I Dreamed I Found You By the Sea...

My tummy hurts.
I do not like it.



On the bright side...

I have like a ZILLION new CD's because Vinyl Fever is going out of business.
...which actually really sucks, BUT, hey, cheap CD's.

Also, I have new boots. They were only $25 and they make me six inches taller.

...and I have Christmas Money. Hooray!!!!

Asian parents are fucking INSANE.

Domo Arigato, Universe, for blessing me with AWESOME genetics and NOT the crazy control-freak parents that go with them. For this I am truly grateful.

I mean...my mom is crazy...no doubt about that...
...but my mom let me make my own CHOICES...
...my mom let me LEAVE.

That counts for a lot, as far as I'm concerned.

( Without.Words )

Zydrate Junkies! Get Your Daily Dose of Blue Tonight! Blue MONDAYS that is!
Repo! Performance at 12:30!! Be there or we'll send a Repo Man for YOUR Organs!!

*************************************************************************

I am super excited.
I still need to do some sewing for tonight.

Taylor and I are going to have to start getting ready at 6 to get to the club early.

...but...

It's going to Rock♥


...and...

Miracle of Miracles...I got my period BUT...
I'm not bloated or crampy AT ALL.

Today will be a good day.

Bright Side:

WE HAVE FINISHED LEARNING CHOREOGRAPHY FOR ZYDRATE ANATOMY.
...The show is tomorrow, so that's definitely a good thing.

We're ready for Surgery (Surgery!)♥


Down Side:

I showed up at Rayn at 4:26 for our 4:30 practice.
...at 4:28 I got a text telling me that practice was moved to GOD KNOWS WHERE.
...so I went to Taylor's because I didn't know how to get wherever-the-fuck
...and as we were leaving, Nichole called asking me to bring my stereo...
...So we drove across town, were an hour late for practice, and...

They didn't need my stereo.

Also, a lot people didn't show up.
So while I know MY choreography, I'm not sure everyone ELSE will.

Also, I'm probably going to get my period tomorrow, isn't that fun?
Dear Uterus, you have the most inconvenient timing EVER.



My hormones are urging me to throw things at other things.

I think I need to drink.
I need to drink, and be cuddly, and have someone make my legs and back not be sore.

This will not happen.

So instead I will go help someone find an outfit for tomorrow.
...even though I very much do not want to leave my house...
...do not want to drive in the fog and the rain...


*sigh*

Shiny happy thoughts.
We're fighting the hormones.

Alcohol is your friend.

If you drink it during awkward social situations...
You will pwn that shit like a fucking ROCKSTAR.

I feel like this today.

( If.You.Run... )

It's a sad day in Townsville when a pengin ain't got no eggs.

...what will I eat?
...how will I prepare Ramen noodles?!


I must remedy this.

Going to the Army Surplus Store
To buy gas masks for Repo! and glue shiny shit to them.

...because in Taylor and Stacia world...
...everything is better with rhinestones.

*********************************************************

I'm so fucking tired.
I want to sleep without dreaming, just for five minutes.

I wake up feeling more drained than when I went to sleep.

*********************************************************

Maybe I'll go normal-people dancing at Rayn tonight.
It's free until 11, or so I'm told.

*********************************************************

Rawr.
I want a Death Hawk.
David is very much against this happening.

...but I could be a Hot-Ass-Japanese-Death-Rock-Go-Go-Girl.
...and it could be EPIC.


*********************************************************

Have to get dressed.
Damn you world for not letting me be in my underwear all the time.

My Body Hurts.
My Back, and My Legs, and My Poor Feet...
My Bruised and Bloody Knees...

...and my Head.

Do you know when...

Your dreams are so vivid and bright...that they leave you drained?
I was having those...and they were not good dreams.
They were evil dreams.

...and I don't feel like I slept at all...
...and I don't feel good.

...and...

I have a bad feeling about later today...
I have a feeling that everything is going to burn like poison.

I need my Baku to keep me safe.
...from evil dreams and what they foretell.

The new CRUXSHADOWS video for QUICKSILVER is up.
...and it's AWESOME.

Everyone on my F-List must go watch it now.
...or else I will delete you : D

Here, I'll make it easy:

Every time I get dressed up, I think of Jessica.
Whether it's Dragon*Con-Level dressed up or Half-Naked Go-Go Girl dressed up.

...because all my best make-up and costuming tricks, I learned from watching her.

...and even if I never manage to pull myself off as well as she pulls herself off...
...I'm still thankful to have learned as much from her as I have.

♥

Taylor just reminded me that...
We have to bring our Repo! outfits in tonight for approval.

BLAH.

Four AM is the Broken Heart Hour.

If you should find yourself talking to someone, they will tell you they are lost.
If you are alone, you know this has no hope of remedy until the 'morrow.

...and all our secrets are exposed, just for this one hour of the night.
...We reveal ourselves to be flawed, broken, and frail.



I see the other little girls...
Calling out to no one, hoping to be heard.
Knowing that no one will, or if they do, they will not understand...

...at least not how we want them to.

I know your pain and terror.
I know what hurts, and why.

I feel it too.

The people we are calling for, they will not take our hands.



This is the answer, why Girls hate each other.

...and we're all lost in Four AM.

Gypsy Blood means...

When adventure calls, you go.
...because to deny a blood call is to kill yourself slowly...
...to drive yourself insane.

Gypsy Blood means the Open Road.
Gypsy Blood means Moving...Again...and Again...and Again...

Not this time, I say. We are staying here.

...but she's rising up...
...We need to go outside, she says.
...We need unfamiliar ground underneath our feet, she says.

I need a road trip.

She came with my great grandparents from Hungary.
Who knows where all she's been?
She lived in my Father, who was moving all the time.
Now she lives in me.

Gypsy Princess. We need to go somewhere.

You know that feeling when you find jewelry that you REALLY want, but...
You know you are NEVER going to be able to afford it?

So you just go look at it every so often and sigh?

I never had that before I found this ring six months ago.
...and now I just go look at it online and sigh. It costs almost a grand.

I also sigh over the Betsy Johnson Octopus jewelry from last year.
They still have some of it on eBay. Not the earrings, anymore.
But the necklace, and the ring.

...for like $150...

...*sigh*...




Being a girl is weird.
You're like a normal human being one day, and the next you need shiny shit to live.

Chris Ware.

He was my first boyfriend EVER. I was 13. He was 15.

He played drums. He taught me to play guitar.
He gave me my first Jhonen Vasquez comics.
I took him to see Bella Morte.

We chased each other around for over a year.
We had epic post-breakup hallway fights in Ninth Grade.

The first real cigarette I ever smoked, that was his fault.
...and we weren't even dating at the time!!!!

He helped us move. Twice.



He just eMailed me.
To tell me he has a BABY.

My first boyfriend has a baby.
A living breathing girl-child named Kylee Ware.
MY first boyfriend.

I dated him. We held hands at the movies.
We made out at in the middle of the dance floor at a Bella Morte show.
...at Sin 13, which isn't even a club anymore...or is a different club, that's not as good...
...and Gopal Metro smiled when he caught us.

THAT IS SO FUCKING WEIRD.

It's one things when my friends have babies. That's weird enough.
...but this is an ex-boyfriend. My FIRST ex-boyfriend.


Growing Up is Ridiculous.

I dreamed of Rain...and Purple Lights and Purple Skies...
...and scented smoke winding towards the Heavens...
...Roses in my hair, wet with dew, and sparkling...
...Abandoned City Streets, Lonely and Dark...

I dreamed of Houses I had never been to.
Filled with people I had never met.
Everything is covered in Mosquito Netting and...
Everyone is preoccupied with the most mundane and trivial matters.

So I leave this place.

I dreamed of Ink in our skin.
The Dragon moves along my back. I can feel him.
These things are secret, magic and alive.

...and the gravel crunches under the wheels of this machine...
...and when I wake up, I want adventure.




...and there are no adventures here...
Maybe I'll read a book. *sigh*

I'm going back to bed.

The storm is too much for me.

Sometimes, these songs are all there are...

( Lyrics. )